QUESTION:

Is there a way we can see all of our volunteer work that here at the Church? I am trying to make a scrapbook of all my volunteer work.

ANSWER:

We do not catalogue all the volunteer work that is done here. It would take up so much time that we could not spend it on the job we were hired to do. Our volunteers are a great value and gift to us, but we can’t keep track of their hours- that is the volunteers responsibility.

Sometimes if someone makes an appointment we might be able to go through old roster’s etc and help confirm their participation in the event, but that is all. I am sorry I could not be of more help.

QUESTION:

My parents are constantly fighting over a lot. I want to go to Culinary School but they think that it will be a waste of money. My parents want me to go to college but the college of their choice and they want me to get the same major as they did when they went to college. How do I tell my parents I don’t want them to make choices for me?

ANSWER:

Thanks for your question; it’s a tough one for sure. As parents we really want what is best for our kids. Our decisions are often weighed by several factors that we may or may not share with our kids. One- money, if there isn’t enough money and we are expected or desiring to help out that will be a determining factor.  Two-what we “think” is best for you, your situation and our experience of you (from babyhood to now).

When you ask me, “How do I tell my parents I don’t want them to make choices for me” that is often a critical and difficult step in learning to be an adult. I am assuming that you are at least 18years old?

There are some teens who want to be “an adult” and have all the privileges that go with that – no curfew, little rules, and pure freedom with no responsibilities to parents. They still expect to live in their parents’ home, have their parents pay their expenses: food, car insurance, medical expenses, and spending money etc. You can’t have both. Either you choose to follow your own path if it conflicts with what your parents want or you can try to compromise and work it out so both parties are happy.

You can also go to the college they want and still take a course or two that supports a culinary degree (eventually) to see if that is really where you want to be. Another way to see if culinary is the way to go, is to work in a restaurant. Culinary work is hard, demanding, long hours on your feet in a kitchen environment that is stressful, high energy and monotonous.  I would try out that field before I commit to it. I speak from experience and a daughter who is a chef and currently hating it.

Pray for guidance. Sit down and talk together like adults and good luck!

QUESTION:

My best guy friend and I just started dating and it feels so weird because I feel like if we break up then our friendship will be over. Should friends date?

ANSWER:

A good place to start in any relationship is by being friends first. Sometimes that blossoms into deeper friendship and other times a relationship of boy and girlfriend are born.  What is critical to any relationship is trust, openness and a true sense of caring about what is best for the other person.  A true friend for example would not just watch your back while you self-destruct with alcohol, drugs, theft or sexual relations outside of marriage.  A true friend risks your anger and cautions you, redirects you and leads you to healthy choices.

Likewise, when a friendship turns into a deeper relationship the same things hold true and especially in the area of sexuality. If you each really truly love and care for one another you will not put each other at risk by being sexually active outside of marriage. This might sound “old-fashioned” or not “normal” but it is not.

Loving someone is choosing what is best for the other- not convenient or gratifying to ones self.  It sounds pretty basic but, if you are not ready to be a parent and all the responsibilities (time, financial, emotional, physical) that go with that – you should not be having sex. Sex is a wonderful gift from God whereby a new human being is created. Each human life deserves to be wanted, cared for and loved by a mommy and a daddy.

As you mentioned above, there is always the risk of losing your friend if the relationship breaks up. When couples are sexually active the risk of losing the friend increases a hundred fold. Why, because you have shared the most intimate part of your being with another who has not committed them selves to you for life.  They “know” you better and deeper than anyone else and that makes you feel vulnerable and then “used” when the relationship falls apart. Statistically speaking couples who do sleep together break up within weeks or months after having done so.

I go into all this detail to just let you know that friends can become b/f and g/f and go onto one day marry and live long happy lives. But friends will remain friends better after a relational break up if sex isn’t part of the equation.

Good luck!

QUESTION:

My friend and I have been fighting for a few days now and we have been friends since second grade. She now comes around gives me all of the stuff I gave her and she says that she wants all the stuff that she gave me. Should I give her stuff or what?

ANSWER:

I am sorry to hear that you are fighting with your long time friend. If she is not willing to talk and try to reconcile or at least take a few weeks to cool down, there is not much you can do but give her back her “stuff.”

Often times in our anger we make hasty decisions that we later regret. Have you tried emailing or calling her to talk it out?

Prayer is always a great help in those times too. Ask God for some guidance in how to reconcile the friendship and move forward.

Time will do wonders for all problems. When we give each other some space, time, and cooling off- great things can happen very, very slowly.

Be patient. Apologize where needed and pray.

Good luck and I hope you can work things out.

QUESTION:

Can we do what we gave up for Lent on Sunday? My family believes that if you gave up something and you can do it on Sunday but I don’t believe that you should be able to do that. What do we do about it?

ANSWER:

Great question! Sunday’s are not counted as part of Lent. Sunday’s are a day of celebration because it is the Lord’s Day and the day that Christ rose from the dead.  You can choose to partake of that which you gave up for Lent on that day – (if you need to) or continue to observe your Lenten promise.  If you decided to give up gossiping for Lent, then it would be silly to gossip on Sunday’s because you could, right? Likewise, if you gave up soda pop, you could choose to have some pop if you really wanted to on Sunday.

It is not appropriate to fast and abstain on Sunday’s for the same reasons I mentioned.

God will not measure our love for Him by what we give up as much as what we take up and the love that is behind everything we do. If we give up chocolate and sweets and simply turn into a crabby beast, then we have gained nothing, nor grown closer to God, (or anyone else for that matter.)

For God, it is all about love. What love you share with others, (especially those who hurt you), what love is behind our actions, what love we freely give to those in need.  Our love is God’s touch in the world. When we do not give it away, all of humanity is worse for us having chosen to keep His love to ourselves.