QUESTION:
My best guy friend and I just started dating and it feels so weird because I feel like if we break up then our friendship will be over. Should friends date?
ANSWER:
A good place to start in any relationship is by being friends first. Sometimes that blossoms into deeper friendship and other times a relationship of boy and girlfriend are born. What is critical to any relationship is trust, openness and a true sense of caring about what is best for the other person. A true friend for example would not just watch your back while you self-destruct with alcohol, drugs, theft or sexual relations outside of marriage. A true friend risks your anger and cautions you, redirects you and leads you to healthy choices.
Likewise, when a friendship turns into a deeper relationship the same things hold true and especially in the area of sexuality. If you each really truly love and care for one another you will not put each other at risk by being sexually active outside of marriage. This might sound “old-fashioned” or not “normal” but it is not.
Loving someone is choosing what is best for the other- not convenient or gratifying to ones self. It sounds pretty basic but, if you are not ready to be a parent and all the responsibilities (time, financial, emotional, physical) that go with that – you should not be having sex. Sex is a wonderful gift from God whereby a new human being is created. Each human life deserves to be wanted, cared for and loved by a mommy and a daddy.
As you mentioned above, there is always the risk of losing your friend if the relationship breaks up. When couples are sexually active the risk of losing the friend increases a hundred fold. Why, because you have shared the most intimate part of your being with another who has not committed them selves to you for life. They “know” you better and deeper than anyone else and that makes you feel vulnerable and then “used” when the relationship falls apart. Statistically speaking couples who do sleep together break up within weeks or months after having done so.
I go into all this detail to just let you know that friends can become b/f and g/f and go onto one day marry and live long happy lives. But friends will remain friends better after a relational break up if sex isn’t part of the equation.
Good luck!